Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Dating Mr. Wrong. Succeeding At Transforming Your Roots In Hoodness - My Story

I’ve always had an insatiable desire to meet and fall in love with a powerful man. 

I’m not sure exactly when or where this desire was born.  I think ultimately all of us ladies have this desire.  Whether it happens or will ever happen is still in the air for most of us.  This is why it wasn’t a surprise when the heat of hope aroused in me and I became excited when I saw him, Mr. Him, in the club that night.  You know, the successful, funny, charismatic, likable; easy going, sexy, unavailable ass Mr. Him gliding through the crowd of attention seekers that night.  See, Mr. Him and I had met before at his condo in Hyde Park, Chicago, IL.  I was on a date and my date wanted to stop by his friend’s house to pay him a visit.  Well, I was just happy to be on a date so I agreed to tag along.  When Mr. Him opened the door I didn’t think much of him because he seemed a bit preoccupied with last minute things to do around the house.  He told us to have a seat and we did and I continued the next 30minutes watching them interact with each other because it was intended to be a quick visit.  Mr. Him started rambling about the state of his neighborhood and how he should have stayed in the suburbs because hoodlums are out on his street hanging out.  He even complained about calling the alderman which quickly became a joke when he called her the alderlady which is what he called her because he didn’t know if the proper name would be alderman.  All of chuckled at this because none of us knew what to call an alderman that’s a woman and frankly I still don’t know.  If it’s a woman is it alderlady or alderman?  Anyway one joke led to two jokes and a few more laughs exchanged until we left. 

As I sat there for most of the 30 minutes not speaking I was able to see Mr. Him funny and witty personality come through by humoring his friend every 10 seconds with his perils of moving to the city.  He was thin but average with a nice grown man low fade. He was a mix of Usher and Taye Diggs; as a matter of fact I can’t watch the series The Practice without almost thinking of him because of the resemblance.   He also had a nice condo that only a successful educated bachelor would have with all the fine furniture and art...you know the place a woman never wants to leave.  My date told me he was leaving town to go propose to his girlfriend with whom he had developed a long distance relationship.  I thought to myself damn that’s one lucky chick and couldn’t help but wonder about how she could have captivated a guy like that to travel for her hand in marriage.  I mean...I knew he felt that he had someone special and I also knew immediately that Mr. Him was a class act and I was smitten and never thought that he and I would meet again or ever embark on an unrestrained 3 year affair which all began at that damn night club months after our first meeting.

That night at the club was typical.  I was sharp. Typical.  He was sharp.  Typical. I was on the prowl for some attention. Typical.  He was on the prowl...also typical.   I saw him gliding through the crowd and thought wow who is this fine guy, he looks familiar.  As he got closer it hit me.  This is the guy from the date I went on a few months ago...so I tapped him. 
“Don’t I know you? I think I’ve been to your condo”.
“You have, when?” he says
”I think I was with a date”
“Oh yeah I remember you, how have you been?” 
“Good, pretty good”. 

Now he and I said a few things to each other and he gave me his card, which took me only a week to call.  I don’t think he really expected for me to call on a personal note at all but I did anyway and didn’t know what I was setting myself up for.

PART 2 to be continued……….
please comment if you want more :)

Sunday, May 29, 2011

How to Enhance your Ghetto Life (UPGRADE YOUR HOOD STATUS) Part 1

HOW TO ENHANCE YOUR GHETTO LIFE (Upgrading your hood mentality)
Enhancing your status from hood to good takes some detailed focus, trust me I know.  Growing up in the blocks of Southside Chicago has taught me 6,564,890 things about the entire hood existent life.  I've seen it all, the fighting, backstabbing, stealing, hustling, partying, cheating, killing and anything else you may think of I have seen.

Wikipedia has described it as this: A ghetto is a section of a city occupied by a group who live there especially because of social, economic, or legal pressure. The term ghetto was originally used in Venice to describe the area where Jews were compelled to live. A ghetto is now described as an overcrowded urban area often associated with a specific ethnic or racial population.

I agree with this definition but for this post we'll focus more on the mentality of the Ghetto individual and not the area.

When I began my Hood to Good transformation it took a while to come to the honest conclusion of where I was in my life.  It is very easy to pretend your somewhere you aren't. Having $100 left over after paying your rent doesn't mean it should be spent on yourself to a trip to the beauty shop or the nail salon (uh huh, this was me).  Standing in your truth is key and is what I consider the very first step in assessing what you'll have to work through to improve your Hood to Good status.

I would suggest to stop right now and ask yourself these few questions in this order:

*How did I occupy my day today?
*Did I spend any of my day reading material that can enhance my life?
*Did I speak or have any negative thoughts today?
*What do I do for a living and can I retire doing it?
*Who is my best friend right now and what do we mainly talk about?

These questions are extremely important, urgently important, important. Did I say important?  These questions are just surface questions that you can answer quickly.  I'm not ready to take you deeper just yet but I do want to get you thinking for the 2nd part of the post.  One of the questions that stand out the most is who is your best friend and what do you discuss the most.  Normally your counselor with whom you share your deepest thoughts is an exact replica of yourself, a mirror version.

Think about the conversations you had today, yesterday and this week and total them up to see what the general discussions were about, was it about that lifetime movie, how ray ray never called back, why Melissa rolled her eyes at you in the elevator, your tired as hell, can't wait to go shopping, Beyonce's new video, how juicy Tomika booty is, how Tyrese put it down last night.  Take inventory of your conversations, especially with the people you spend the most time around.  Sitting down and answering these questions will help you become conscience of how your thoughts are formed.  You will begin to ask yourself about the reasons and outcomes of some of the conversations you have participated in this week.

"Hello, Girl Mr. Thompson just sent me home for the day, talkin about I'm 15 minutes late and dressed inappropriately...He a trip ain't he"?

Friend on the other end "Girl yea, he a trip, did you explain you had to pick up your birth control pills?

Be honest, have you ever had one of these crazy phone calls or have made one yourself?  I would hope that everyone can take the time and answer each question and happily await part 2 or upgrade from Hood to Good.

Kay Jene